If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
