there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pants are for mortals
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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