the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
