I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
