so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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