eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
