I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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