I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
