She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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