do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
