Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
