Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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