Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
