I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
