She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
