somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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