butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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