This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
