I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
