And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
