Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
