Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
