Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
