I just pynch a tree in the face
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
