hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
