She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
