I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
