Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
