he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
