i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
