I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
