So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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