Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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