chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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