Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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