what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
