My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
