If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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