my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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