I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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