that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
