I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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