My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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