normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
