i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
