what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
