I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
