I think my vagina is haunted
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
