and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
