my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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