isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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