You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
