Small penises have feelings too.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
