He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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