She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
