its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
