It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
