That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
