fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
