Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
