found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
