i think my tv is drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
